So, I'm in England, and have been for a week. I've been mulling over what to write in this post, pretty much since Monday night on.

It's pretty stressful because yes, I want to be with Tau, but at the same time, I am coming apart because I miss my family, my home, and Dragonflyy so badly.

I didn't expect England to feel, well, so foreign, to be honest. Everything has this aged feel to it, and while for the most part, it's in a good way, there are some things that just feel awkward. So, it's not easy adapting to a new country, let alone a new home and family for the time being.

Don't get me wrong, Tau's parents are pretty much the nicest, most kind-hearted, welcoming, and fun people you could ever meet. I absolutely love them.

But being around them and spending time with them only serves as a painful reminder of my own wonderful family back home. I miss them so much and it's driving me insane.

People say it's always the first few weeks that are the hardest, and while I tend to agree, I honestly did not expect it to be even 1/10th this hard. It feels like there's this pocket of sorrow right above my heart and it won't go away no matter what I do.

I want to say it'll be alright, but I don't know how long I can stand this. I mean....I've been away from my mom and brother before, but never EVERYONE that I'm used to, all at once, for more than a few weeks.

Not to mention, England was not designed with "big" people in mind. I barely fit in the bathtub, and just, uggh. I feel like a bull in a 10x10 China Shop.

I think it would be easier if I knew hen I was going home. And while my return ticket is booked for the end of May, the original plan was to have my Visa extended until Tau's marriage Visa goes through in America.

To be frank, I'm not sure I can stand being away from my home for three months, let alone the maximum six that I'm allowed to extend for.

At the time that I agreed to this, I thought I was choosing between being away from home and everything I loved to save my marriage. It had seriously gotten to the point that I didn't know what was going to happen to Tau and I or if he'd be able to deal with the distance long enough for us to get through this or not. Not to mention, the way he was treating me was really, really poorly. It was bad enough that it drove me to the point that it's hard for me to be happy right now about us being together because I'm waiting for everything to just go "boom".

On the non-emotional homefront, I got to get out of the house for the first time all week on Friday. Tau's Mum, Tau, and I went down town to pick up some groceries and try to get some yarn, though that didn't go quite as expected.

It was really nice to get out, and I'm hoping I can do so again soon. I'd like to see more of England. I mean, as depressed as I am, I want to make something good out of it.

I'll post pictures of my adventures in STL, JFK, MAN, & the rest of England soon. In the meantime, I'm going to try to cheer up and knit.