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Inside the Disarray

Polyamory. Knitting. Gaming. What else is there?

External Services:
  • matdredalia@livejournal.com
  • Matdredalia
  • Matdredalia
  • Matdredalia@gmail.com
  • Matdredalia
I Am:
  • 21 and my birthday is September 7th, 1987.
  • Androgynous by Gender, Female by Sex.
  • Bisexual/Pansexual. I do not discriminate based on sex, gender, race, ethniticity, or age (over 18) in my lovelife. I love who I love, no matter what.
  • Polyamorous. (If you don't know what that means, I suggest you go HERE). No, I do NOT swing.
  • In love with three amazing people. My husband-by-heart, my boyfriend, and my girlfriend.
  • Physically disabled with a host of medical problems the size of a small island. I'm currently on SSI/disability (thus why I don't have a job). For more on this particular issue, see, "My Disability" below.
  • Best friends with my ex-girlfriend. She was the maid of honor at my wedding, and is the best friend I could ever ask for.
  • A hardcore gamer girl. I've been gaming my whole life, my Nintendo DS goes where I go, I met both my husbands, and my boyfriend in MMORPG's, and my mom met my step-dad in one. Play to live, live to play.
  • A ravenous Japanophile / Otaku. I love everything about Japanese culture and find it fascinating, beautiful, fun, wacky, and sometimes disturbing, all at the same time. I have loved Origami, Haiku, Kimono's, & "old" Anime since I was a child, and in my teenage years I discovered Anime, Manga, Pocky, and a wide variety of other Japanese hobbies, past times, traditions, snacks, and toys that I adore. Note: I go fan-girl in my journal.
  • A fangirl of the First Degree. While I am not the type to go psychotic over my fandoms, there are a few characters (in Anime, TV, Books, Manga, & Video Games) that I am latched onto tightly, so if I go a little psychotic, don't say you weren't warned.
  • An Activist. Human Rights. Women's Rights. GLBT Rights. All causes I believe need more and more work every day. I want to change the world by making it a place where nobody has to go hungry or go without a roof over their head. Everybody is treated equal, no matter who they are, no matter what they believe, no matter who they love. I believe everybody has a purpose. And if nothing else, mine is to help make the world a better place for the generations to come.
  • An Artist. Whether it be singing, writing, drawing, painting, or sculpting I love the arts in all their forms and love to create and do. Music was my first passion in life, though I must admit that story telling is definitely right up there with it and has been for a good many years. I'm not that great at visual arts, but I try like hell.
  • A Crafter. Specifically, knitting, scrap booking, bento making (part of the Otaku thing, hehe), and small clay arts. Knitting is my primary craft, and I absolutely adore all things having to do with yarn and a pair of needles.
  • An internet junkie. I love a lot of my life online, which sort of makes since because it's where I feel the safest and feel as if I really belong.
  • A 'Seeker' when it comes to Spirituality / Religion. I know there is SOMETHING out there, but I'm not sure what, and I am always searching for the truth.
  • Extremely overweight, and proud of it. I am not ashamed of my weight, on the contrary I consider it a blessing. I know the people who love me, love me for who and what I am, not what I look like. And I believe it has taught me humility and compassion in a way that few people ever have. My only concern about my weight is my health.

My Love Life
As I mentioned above, I have three men in my life. Tau, Dragonflyy, & Azual.

Dragonflyy is my "husband by heart", who I have been with for about five and a half years as of this writing (January 2009). He was friends with my mother & step-father in EverQuest, and while I knew him from a few brief conversations in EQ, he wasn't on my radar until October or so of 2002. My mother was trying to hook my cousin up with Dragonflyy's best friend / room mate, who was also her friend, and decided on a whim to see if I wanted to talk to Dragonflyy. I was still in the thick of things with my first love, and basically blew him off as just some guy. A year later, he and his room mate/best friend came to visit my parents, and the minute he walked through the door, I knew I'd spend the rest of my life with him. Funny, considering I'd never believed in love at first sight in my life, and it wasn't even like that at all. It was just this unshakable feeling that he was meant to be beside me forever. So far, so good. We were apart for two months, then I went to visit him for a month. I came home, and a week later, he told me he couldn't stand being without me. A week after that, he caught a greyhound bus and moved across the country to be with me. We've lived together ever since, and have one of the best relationships I've ever seen. He's my best friend, my laughter, my tenderness, my rock, and my sanity.

Azual is my boyfriend of about 2 1/2 years. Sometimes, Az is the one person I can talk to without feeling like I'm a burden, and sometimes he's the only person that can make me laugh when all I want to do is take someone's head off at their shoulders. He's fun, spontaneous, silly, and sporadic. He's one of the most diverse, beautiful, and all around amazing people I've ever known. To be honest, I don't even have the right words to say just how amazing he is.

My Disability
To sum it up, I'm extremely overweight, which is caused by the fact that I have hypothyroidism & polycystic ovarian syndrome. Not going to explain what those mean, that's what Wikipedia is for. (On a side note, we recently discovered I have fibromyalgia as well which could explain where the hypothyroidism originated. However, that's not a certainty.) Suffice to say, the weight has been crushing my spine for years, and my spine is slowly collapsing and deteriorating, which, if you don't realize, causes a hell of a lot of pain and suffering. Not to mention the fibromyalgia is DEFINED by how much pain it causes, basically. Throw in the fact that I have severe carpal tunnel syndrome in both wrists (I can write about a paragraph by hand before my hand starts involuntarily dropping the writing utensil), and well, I'm not fit for much of anything. Especially since I hurt, all the freaking time (And I have one hell of a pain tolerance --- I suffered gall bladder attacks for damn near a year when I was 12/13, and they are comparable to the pain of child birth or a heart attack). Thus, I'm on disability for the time being.

I long for the day when I can take care of myself. But then again, I long for the day when I can walk for more than thirty seconds without feeling like I'm being hit by a buss or severed in half by a saw. Regardless, I refuse to let my body keep me from giving back something wonderful to the world. I am hoping and praying that very soon, I will have the carpal release surgery so my hands and wrists function again, and that I can get the lap band surgery to take some of the weight and pressure off my spine, and figure out some kind of medication system that will dumb down the fibro enough for me to focus and deal with the day-to-day stuff. Regardless, though, even if it takes crawling on my hands and knees while biting down on a piece of shoe to keep from screaming, I am going to finish college and have a career that will allow me to function around my disability, or, hopefully, without it.